My Sexy Assassin

It Was The Year 1861. A Couple Of Chums Went Their Local New England Pub For A Snort Of Whisky...Little Did They Know That Snort Would Change Thier Lives Forever. Now Legend Says That One Of Those Old Boys Was Named Sir Sean Taylor The Third He Was Basically A British Knight . Being As There Was No War Nearby Sir Sean Was Appointed As The Town's Sanitation Engineer Although Back Then He Would Have Been Called The Gutter Cleaner The Master Of The Hogs Or Sir Sean The Shit-Picker-Upper . You See Back Then The Town Was Run By The Man With The Most Wives More Wives More Kids More Crop Yeild More M..Power He's An Asshole . That Man Just Happened To Be Able To Leap 18 Feet Without A Running Start. Anyway This Charles Bounds Was A Terribly Striking Fellow Which Resulted In His Having About 23.46 Wives Under His Belt The .46 Was A Young Lady He Had Been Working On For A Couple Of Hours . The Only Problem Charles Had With This Young Woman Was That Her Family Would Never Allow Such A Union. Which Was Bad News For Charles Because Her Brother Was A Half-Bean 6 Shoot Champion Who Could Stab You To Death Without A Knife Although He Preferred A Good Serrated Edge In The Back . This Jimmy Watts Had Been Feared Throughout The West And Now He Was Back In Town. This Alarmed The County Sheriff One Eric Playsted Who Earned His Star Fighting "those Damn Canadian Lumberjacks With Thier Damn Mules And Thier Damn Axes" As He Liked To Call Them. The Poor Man Had Already Lost An Eye To A Mule A Leg To A Hungry Lumberjack And Half Of His Left Butt Cheek To One Of Thier Axes. Well Charles And Jimmy Scheduled A Meeting In The Local Pub To Discuss Bargaining Terms. The Sherriff Decided He Should Keep An Eye On Those Two As Well As Miss Sally The Saloon Whore Whom He Was Infatuated With . And Poor Sir Sean Just Happened To Be There Trading The Stench Of Garbage For The Stench Of Alcohal We All Know That Knights And Garbagemen Are Raging Alcoholics Which Made Sir Sean Some Kind Of Double Alcoholic With Extra Rage. I Don't Know What That Means Maybe He Pissed Blood Or Something Wicked Like That . It Just So Happened That At That Moment God Himself Ordained A Rift In Time Between 1861-Pub-New England And 2003-Boise Idaho. These Four Chums Found Themselves In Some Kids Garage All By Themselves. Apparantly God Couldn't Stand The Noise Some Random Garage Band Was Making So He Sent Them Back In Time. Well The Four Decided To Stick Together Being All Alone In The World And Completley Lost. Each Landed Next The Thier Respective Instruments. Eric-Guitar Sean-Guitar Charlie-Drums Jimmy-Nothing. Suddenly An Angel Appeared Before Them. Immediately Charlie Hid Behind His Drums Sean Being Drunk Off His Ass Asked If It Was An Angel Eric Was Too Busy Being An Fucker To Notice And Jimmy Stabbed The Angel Stolen Its Halo Pawned It For 3 Dollars And Bought A Sack Of Beans For Lunch. The Group Quickly Hid The Dead Angel Inside Some Sort Of White Throne Of Power Toilet . They Decided That Only As My Sexy Assassin Could They Survive The Wrath Of God. So Each Honed His Instrument And For The Rest Of Eternity They Battled The Entire World With Kick-Ass Tunes Like Math Ah Ah Ah Or Cooler Than The Other Side Of The Pillow. read less